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Last week a movie theme-song made me cry. It threw me backwards into the thick sadness of 35 years ago. I had forgotten how bad that time was. Thank God I had forgotten. The theme was from a dinosaur …
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Last week a movie theme-song made me cry. It threw me backwards into the thick sadness of 35 years ago. I had forgotten how bad that time was. Thank God I had forgotten.
The theme was from a dinosaur movie that I watched with my little girls. In the movie, the young dinos get separated from their families. As they search for the big herd, all they have is each other.
Don’t lose your way
With each passing day
You’ve come so far
Don’t throw it away.
(“If We Hold On Together,” sung by Diana Ross.)
People try so hard. At that time, my second marriage was crashing. My dream of happiness seemed impossible. I felt I had tried, but it seemed happiness simply could never happen for me. Maybe for others, but not for me.
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart.
Here’s what’s wonderful: What I know today is that happiness is possible. We can find our wholeness. Healing takes time, but it is possible.
How amazing. I had forgotten how bad it had been. I didn’t even remember how much I used to hurt.
To heal, to find happiness, I had to discover four things:
Respect
I had to strip away the “pretends” and see the real child I had been—and I had to respect that child for enduring in harsh surroundings. Mind you, it’s not that my life was worse than everyone else’s. It’s that as children we all endure pain that no one else sees. I had to respect the child in me and be honest about my own confusion and sadness. I did this in therapy. It’s what I needed.
And then, of course, I had to respect the same thing in others. I had to see my grandparents, my parents, and my brother and sisters as they really were, in their own confusion and pain. We fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces. If we soften our eyes, here and there we can see surprising beauty.
Tenderness
I had to accept tenderness for myself. This is hard because all of us feel shame over who we have been. Some of us say, “Stop whining.” Sure, stop it, don’t whine your whole adult life. But first, learn how to be tender to yourself. Tell the truth. Name the hurts. I had to touch my child self, my teenage self and my adult woman self with true kindness. This means throwing shame in the garbage. We all heard, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” Many of us heard, “We are ashamed of you.” It’s time to stop the pain. We have punished and re-punished ourselves enough. The only thing we deserve now is tenderness, and I had to learn how to accept it.
And then, of course, I had to offer tenderness to others. In the end, all we have is each other.
Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend,
Seek out a star,
Hold on to the end.
Courage
Healing takes work. It’s hard to expose ancient pain, and others often enjoy watching your struggles. Sadly, our family members often love to point their fingers and say, “Boy, does he have problems” or “I’m sure glad I’m not as screwed up as she is.” Ignore them. Walk on. Everyone needs healing and therapy—everyone. Your only job is you. Keep your eyes on hope. It takes huge courage to tell the truth to yourself and to believe that you can heal, that things can change. Believe me: You can learn to be whole and happy.
And when you know it for yourself, it’s easy to see it for others too.
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay.
Reverence
As you heal, you become holy beauty. You finally see yourself as an amazing, glowing thing. A star. A light. A tender, courageous, honorable warrior who has fought through it and come out the other side. And when you see it in yourself, you see it in the others around you.
The Divine hopes for your joy. Heaven pours out healing. Hope and wholeness seep into us and through us until finally, as we shine, we pour out our light for others.
Don’t lose your way
With each passing day
You’ve come so far
Don’t throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start.
The song still makes me cry, even after all these years. I want to reach out to the younger me, look into her eyes and tell her that she’ll make it through.
Believe me. It’s possible. Hold on to the end. I made it through, and so can you. My life isn’t perfect, but it is good, very good.
Happiness. Wholeness. Home. Just keep going. Keep trying. Wonders really are waiting to start.